If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
