If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
