you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
