paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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