We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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