I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
