just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
