I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
