guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There r osticjed everywhere
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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