Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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