I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
