I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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