When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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