The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
