I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
