kristin has been a bad kristin
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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