I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
