Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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