You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
