I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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