My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
