Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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