Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
