i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize