i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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