I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
