Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize