And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
