I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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