He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
