I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
