he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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