I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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