He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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