I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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