I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
