Do you still have your period?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
