I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
