So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
