im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
