How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
