hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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