No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
