I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
