I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
