I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
