Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
