it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
