is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
