and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
