It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He? As in you personified your dick?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
