i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
