but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We need a shit load of segways right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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