I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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