So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
