i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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