We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.