I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
