I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
