had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
