And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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