I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
