No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
