Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
