i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found puke in my bra..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
