I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
