Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
