Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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