Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
