dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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