Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
